THE MOMENT
"Ladies and gentlemen. Welcome back to... Kill. That. Bastard!" The handsome, tan host with a brilliant smile waved at the camera. He was a bald man wearing a silky crimson suit with a golden tie and carrying a long, thin microphone. "We've got an exciting guest Bastard today, so let's bring out our first contestant!" He encouraged someone off camera to come forward and a lean, fit man in his mid20s joined him on the kitschy, colorful set. He wore casual clothes, jeans & a T-shirt.
"Why don't you tell the multiverse a little bit about you, son?" the host held the microphone out to the young man. He waved into the camera with a broad goofy grin that itself was capable of saying 'hi Mom!'.
"My name's Dustin, I'm 27 years old and I'm from Earth Pineapple!" he said.
"No one cares about your Earth, they're all the same. Say something about your character," the host smiled as he gave Dustin some advice under his breath. Then, he spoke up louder. "That's great! What else can you tell us?"
"I'm an Elf / Phoenix Wizard, and I'm ready to KILL THAT BASTARD!" he raised his voice at the end and the studio audience cheered.
"Don't take my shtick kid," the host mumbled again as he subtly shoved the contestant to the side.
"Well since you're fired up, let's see what Bastard you'll be facing off against today...," the studio lights dimmed and the host smiled. "...we have a new son of a gun competing for the first time; but, I'm sure you all know him just the same. Straight from Sharp Development, the creepy-crawly man himself...," the host turned and gestured at a blacked-out stage. "...the best ninja around; the one, the swarm...," A spotlight came on and highlighted a ninja wearing a white suit with red accents. Eight eyes glowed under his hood and he raised his arms when the crowd cheered. "SPIDER!"
"Spider?" Dustin asked with an uneasy shake of his head.
"That's right folks!" the host patted Dustin on the shoulder as he addressed the camera. "The Bastard you all love to hate is joining us for the first time. You've been wanting him and we delivered!"
"I want to see who Bastard #2 is...," Dustin said quietly. The host shook his head.
"Not only that, but he's our only Bastard today! Spider is taking on everyone; can anyone kill him? Probably not, but we'll find out!" he chuckled. "What prizes do we have for our winners today?" he asked. He froze for a moment after his question, then turned to Dustin.
"Running the prize spot now; what's your deal kid?" he asked. "This is what you signed up for."
"I didn't sign up to take on Spider! It's not even a competition anymore; he's going to slaughter me!"
"You think we don't know what we're doing?" the host asked. "Of course, he would if we weren't playing with special rules. I'm gonna explain them to the audience once the match starts; but, you don't have to KILL Spider; you just have to land a clean hit once. You can do that, can't you?"
"That's it? I score a hit and I win?" Dustin asked.
"Simple as," the host nodded. "Alright alright, we're coming back on. 3. 2. 1.," he smiled at the camera again.
"Folks, our guys are headed to the track to get this match underway. In the meantime, I'll mention that this match has special rules. Spider is recognized as the best and we want to give Dustin a fair shot. For this match, all he has to do is land a single hit on Spider to win. Let's see how it goes!"
The camera changed to one on the starting line of the track. It was a smooth white surface that extended in an oval. Both Dustin and Spider crouched on the line waiting.
"Are you ready Dustin? It's time to KILL. THAT. BASTARD!" Dustin heard the buzzer sound and he dashed forward. He only made it two steps before he was struck with instant confusion. His legs tumbled underneath him. He fell forward and continued to roll on the track. It wasn't until he heard the announcer that he realized what happened. He tried to focus and luckily, he was facing the right way. He could see his body a few yards behind him with Spider standing over it. Laughter filled his ears as his vision went dark. The last thing he heard was the announcer chuckling.
"Heh. What a bastard."