THE MOMENT
"Yeah, boss?" Douglas sat down on the guest side of Luther's immense blackwood desk. The mid-level executive requested a moment of Douglas' time when he wasn't busy, and it happened that he wasn't doing anything at the moment. Luther was an older man with neat, silver hair and a matching mustache, wearing a black suit.
"This won't take long, Douglas," Luther smiled with a nod. "I just wanted to check in with you and see how you're getting along here at Void Holdings. You're about half-way through the probationary period, and I'm wondering if you have any questions or if anything is unclear?"
"It's great!" Douglas beamed with joy. He wasn't even fully employed with the company, and he was already making far more money than he imagined. And, the best part was, it took little to no effort on his part. He'd been arriving late for the month and a half he'd been there. He'd linger in the office just long enough to be seen, then leave early, ready to repeat the habits the next day. "I've got no questions at all!"
"Well, I'm glad to hear it," Luther nodded. "If that's the case, you're free to get back to work. However, I'd like to give you a professional piece of advice before you do. You might want to start trying a little harder around here. With your current performance, I'm sorry to say you're on track to be fired instead of given a full-time position." He delivered the information with a smile, but Douglas felt like he'd been gutpunched.
"Wait.. What??!" He sat up instantly, with complete attention. "I'm the lazy guy! In orientation, you said that was a position I could try to fill!"
"I did, and it is," Luther nodded, still maintaining his warm smile. He was giving Douglas advice because he wanted him to succeed, and he still had time to adjust his behavior.
"I thought you might have done a bit more research on it, but I suppose that's my fault. The thing is, there is only one 'Laziest guy at work' position available. Thus, 'The Laziest' title."
"It's me, right?" Douglas asked, and Luther shook his head.
"This is a bit of an advanced secret, but I see potential in you," Luther said. "The position itself is a bit of a trap. Void Holdings has no interest in employing people who don't want to work. So, we make it okay for one person, and all the rest of the non-performers get terminated. You are not anywhere near the top of the Laziest ranking, but you're surprisingly close to avoiding that middling section altogether."
"So, you're saying I have to work after all?" Douglas sighed. It wasn't what he wanted, but he also had to admit he wasn't putting in the effort to gain the pay he currently had. It would've crushed him if he got fired when he could've done better, and Luther had proven himself to be a good manager in his short time there.
"If you put in just a tad more effort every day, you'll get along fine. It doesn't even have to be very much effort, but the consistency will work in your favor. As the cutoff gets closer people start trying to get lazier and lazier while you get better."
"Wait..," the genuinely surprised Douglas. "You mean they can get even lazier?"
"You'd be surprised," Luther chuckled with a nod. "The rankings are always fluctuating until the very end; it's never the same winner twice."
"Really? Wow...," he'd never considered it before. He always thought he was suitably lazy, but to do it professionally? "...being the laziest guy at work is harder than it seems," he said.
"Most people find it easier to just do their work," Luther nodded with a chuckle.